Quite Precariously So

Saw a squished raccoon, quite dead, at a 4-way stop sign while I was waiting for my turn to go. The poor guy was probably scooting around to look for his mid-day meal. Little did he know that some careless driver was also looking for his midday meal and wouldn’t care to wait.

Death is so random. So unforgiving. It either strikes you suddenly without a warning, or comes to you in little painful stages, making sure you feel its presence getting closer and closer. It either comes to you stealthily and attacks from behind your back, or comes to you looking straight in your eye, well announcing it’s oncoming.

Seems unfair, whichever way I see it. We scurry around day and night dealing with our petty existential issues. Every day is a struggle to make things better for ourselves and for those around us. We should be getting rewarded at the end of it all. Instead, we get either a wham-you-never-know-what-hit-you kinda end, or a painful tragic adios. We work so hard just to lose it all at the end.

Death in all its perverse uncertainty renders life precarious. We do our best to make things ‘stable’, but we forget that it is not in life’s nature to be so, because it is always being watched over by death. Even if our material existence seems close to perfect (which so rarely happens anyways), our true existence can never be stabilized.

Which makes me think, is all the struggle even worth it? It’s all gonna go, sooner or later. Why don’t I just take a breath right now while I still can breathe…

A Job Well Done

We all work hard, probably to the best of our abilities, at everything. But in every race, we are one in many, and it is very easy for our efforts to go unnoticed, unacknowledged, or even unappreciated.

It is way easier to get de-motivated in this race of life, than to stay motivated; especially when the results are barely obvious. At such times, when the zing is out, it’s miraculous how a few words of appreciation or just acknowledgement can bring a new life into whatever it is we have to achieve.

Even a ‘That was real good’, or ‘It’s nice of you to even have taken that up!’ can do wonders. Appreciating someone’s efforts is not about being a saint, it is more about being political and making sure the person stays motivated and keeps doing good in future. It’s about mastering the skill of making a few kind words go a really long way to your own advantage.

We can, and should, use the art of saying kudos in both our professional and personal lives. Ofcourse, appreciation has to be heartfelt, or it derides itself into flattery. It also has to be well-expressed, or it leaves the receiver confused about the motive.

Which brings me to the subject of appreciation at work (mostly a people manager’s domain, atleast in the environment where I work). Most of them are articulate and take a few moments out to genuinely convey the ‘You’re doing good and I thank you for your efforts’ message. But then there are others that absolutely suck at it. If you are just going to write/say a much delayed (and hence ill-timed) ‘That’s great’, you’d rather just skip the whole exercise.

Let me explain why I think these people suck at it. Either they are completely ignorant on the subject of human psychology (and hence fail to appreciate the value add a few extra minutes into an appreciation mail/discussion can bring), or they are really bad at expressing themselves.

Which brings me to yet another rambling. Although unrelated to ‘appreciation at work’, it still has a strong bearing on providing positive feedback in a more effective way. For the category that really sucks at providing effective appreciation, because they are really bad at expressing themselves, I can’t help but wonder (and I know this is devilish thinking, so forgive me Lord): Are these men as bland and ineffective at expressing themselves in bed? Aaarrgghhh! Scary thought.

Imagine one such manager’s wife/girlfriend doing a really good ‘job’ for him, and he summing up all her effort by a ‘That’s great’. Blah-Zey!! He can as well draw a curtain on any future hope of any job getting done thereon, let alone a good one!

If you show someone you believe in him, it gives him renewed energy to believe in himself, and then there is no mountain too high to climb. What’s more, it’s to everyone’s benefit; there are no losers in this game. The easiest way to lose the special people in your life and workforce is to not let them know that they are special, at the right time, in the right way.

Tell someone deserving today about how much you appreciate what they are doing for you. Let it be genuine and carefully expressed. Get creative if that works for you. It could even be a pat on your own back if you think you deserve it. If it does not give you positive results, you can blame me in the comments section! Good Luck.

Did I really write this?

It’s almost hilarious. I started out writing something for my blog. It was a virgin attempt, I was risking being arrogant and angry. At first I wanted to write ’10 things I hate about people’. Yes, it’s been a tough few days (or was it years?) and I had to vent it out.

But even I had not imagined I had so much to vent out! I just finished writing 3 pages of things that make me go ‘Ugghhh’. I try never to write negative, but this time I’m sure glad I did.

The only issue now is that I cannot possibly put the list on this blog. It’s too venomous and frank. For the first time there is an angry side of me reflecting in what I wrote. Even half-way through as I was writing it, I thought ‘This definitely cannot be put on the blog, maybe I’ll just forward it to close friends’. By the end of it, I had given up all hope of ever letting anyone read it.

Nevertheless, I feel a little lighter. Having a positive outlook to life is best for you, but sometimes just accepting how you feel is also important. For so long I have bottled it all up, now it’s finally on paper. The mean, nasty, authoritative, in-your-face side of me :) I almost feel like I have a whip in my hand right now! Face the wall, mean humans. Let me show you how angry you make me.

From Jane Austen's 'Persuasion'

Captain Wentworth to Anne Elliot:
"Fanny Harville was a very superior creature, and his attachment to her was indeed attachment. A man does not recover from such a devotion of the heart to such a woman. He ought not; he does not."

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When Anne meets Captain Wentworth after 8 years of separation:
They had no conversation together, no intercourse but what the commonest civility required. Once so much to each other! Now nothing! There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement.


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Captain Harville to Anne:
"I will not allow it to be more man's nature than woman's to be inconstant and forget those they do love, or have loved."
 
Anne:
"All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone."

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Captain Wentworth in his final letter to Anne with his proposal:
I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W.
I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.